"If I had a slave" by Michael Ian Black

This is one of my favorite essays from my friend, Michael Ian Black, who was the inspiration for starting my silly blog. Enjoy.

"If I had a slave.

If I had a slave I would be such a good master. I wouldn't be abusive or mean. I would be kind and benevolent. I would always say considerate things like, "Good morning Slave", because I think slaves would appreciate courtesy, just as much as real people.

My slave would never want for anything. If he played music I would give him an instrument. If he liked to draw, a pencil I would give him. And my slave wouldn't have to sleep on the floor. I'd give him an old mattress or a futon I bought off Craigslist.

We would be so happy, me and my slave. We would do everything together! I would watch him work together. He would drive me around together. And when we got hungry he would feed me together. Yes, we would almost be like friends.

If I had a slave."

See you Thursday, Mike